I have been away preparing for a wedding for the past week and a half. Now it is over. And now I am looking up interpretations of Kiss From a Rose on songmeanings. “the pain….”
I feel like any time someone says, “but my black friend says…” there’s a black person going “so, there’s this racist at my work…”
A bipolar man who died of asphyxiation. This could not possibly touch me on a more personal level. I’ve watched his work all of my life, I always felt something in him so familiar. It’s always hard to find out that the people I admire and identify with the most are bipolar. It makes certain things feel inescapable. And when they take their own lives, it’s the worst feeling. It’s being forced to acknowledge the memories and the danger. I am well now, I am very well now. But the fact that things exist, it’s too difficult, it’s too hard, I am so sad that it took one of my greatest heroes, one of the people who inspired me so much from such an early age.
And the fact that some people believe suicide is a weakness makes me angrier than I can express. I fight hard to have people understand mental illness and I fight to have people not be ashamed of their own illnesses, and it grieves me every time it doesn’t work. Yes, people who have battled depression and manic depression have ended up not going through with their suicide attempts, or survived them, or maybe never considered them. Some people, those who don’t know, they think that it is something that can always be overcome if a person is strong enough. But every bout of depression is a different monster, and every person at each time the monster comes has different tools given to them by their brain chemicals, by their situations. Every account is unique. A successful suicide is not weakness. It is a terrible battle that was unfortunately lost. And the losing does not make the person any less brave.
It’s horrible. We have lost a piece of our continent and it is most certainly a loss of me, and it hurts. I will miss his presence in the universe.
When trying to find these “big guns” for my sister’s wedding, I came upon this article, and the Animal Collective part made me lauughhh because yes.
Zach, Playing House (via agoodstart)
This is very important to me.